Is Finding A Church Like Finding A Wedding Dress?

I recently made an analogy that seemed ridiculous at the time, but have since realized it may not be so silly. I’m looking for a new church for my family. We just moved to a new city and see this as an opportunity to find a church that suits all of our family’s needs. At our old church, we were married there, had our children baptized there, and made our church family there. When my husband once suggested trying out a newly built church in the same town I quickly turned him down, feeling like I was betraying our church and family.

Now that we have moved, we can open ourselves up to all possibilities. We made a mental list of what is important. The number one thing, of course, is that it is Christ based. After that comes what we feel would be beneficial for our children. I’m sure every family has different needs on that front but to us we needed something where the children weren’t expected to sit quietly through an adult service or any portion of it. Ours don’t sit quietly. They don’t do anything quietly. In fact I’m writing this as my 3-year old pounds on a drum symbol with a maraca… There are other factors we’ve considered in our search but I needn’t go into them here.

So I made several calls to churches I’ve seen in our new area checking to see if they meet our “criteria”. I’m doing the major searching because my husband will work most Sundays so I’ll be the primary attendee (secretly this has put a weeknight church service on my list of must-haves). I found a church that seems very interesting to me. It’s a “super church” so to speak with a large membership and A LOT going on, very different from what we came from. We came from a Methodist church with a 1200 person membership. This one probably is substantially larger, with 2 campuses and is “inter-denominational” led by a minister with a Lutheran background. I attended this church with my 2 young boys one time. The “contemporary-ness” of the church will take a little getting used to, but I feel like we hit the head on the mark with this church!

Here’s where I get ridiculous – I really feel like it’s like picking out my wedding dress. When I picked out my wedding dress I had a list of features that I thought I wanted. I looked around at ideas for a while, then when I went trying them on the first dress I tried seemed to be The One. But I couldn’t buy my wedding dress after trying only one on, and it was very different from what I thought I wanted. To hide some major body flaws, what I wanted was long-sleeves and a light weight fabric with an empire waist. What I tried on had very short sleeves, was off the shoulder, had a low waist and was a full and heavy, yet beautiful fabric. This couldn’t be it after trying on one dress, could it? So I tried on about thirty more. Really. The second one I tried was what I thought I wanted with the empire waist, long sleeves, light weight fabric yet it looked so matronly on me. I tried on many different versions of that dress, then various combinations of those features and features of the dress I tried on first. Then I tried on dresses that were similar to the first one but slightly different, finally realizing the first one was the dress that was perfect from the very beginning. It made me feel beautiful, it made me glow, it was different than I expected to find but perfect just the same.

How picking out a church is like picking out a wedding dress:

1. You’re scared to stick with the first one you tried on.
2. You can try on lots of different ones. The options out there are endless.
3. It can be overwhelming. Take a deep breath and step back for a little bit if you start feeling overwhelmed or anxious.
4. Making a list of what features are most important to you is helpful in knowing where to start.
5. Keep an open mind. You might think you know what you want, but once you start trying them on you find you have different preferences and needs than you originally thought.
6. It should be a fun experience, sometimes even a little emotional.
7. It’s always good to get a loved-one’s opinion on your final choice.
8. When you do make your decision there is a great sense of relief and accomplishment.
9. When you find the right one, you will know it.
10. Now get ready to shine!

That’s how I feel about looking for a church. I wanted to stick with a Methodist Church, small like our old church and as close to what we had as possible, just with more options for the kids. What I found has all the bells and whistles, and not at all like our old church. It’s still a white wedding dress, or in this case strongly Christ based, but a lot fancier and “shinier” than I thought I would be attracted to. A non-denomination, super church with contemporary music was not what was on my list. The question is, will I try on a lot of different churches when I think I found the right one from the start? Here’s where the church is unlike a wedding dress – I get to wear it for a while and see if I like it and can always try on another one at a later date and not be stuck with the original purchase! So, what I plan on doing is going to this six-part sermon series that the minister is doing, that I was lucky (and when I say lucky here I mean I think God intervened and worked it all out) enough to catch the first day of the series as my first sermon at this new church. After the 6 weeks I will decide if I will keep attending this church, but right now it looks like a hit on the first try and I would be so relieved to not have to try a bunch more dresses (churches) on in order to make my decision. I pray that finding a church is most like finding the wedding dress and less like finding the husband… I had a lot more heartbreaks before I found the right husband!

For those interested in learning more about the church I believe we will be calling our new home… It’s Crossroads Fellowship.