DON’T JUST CHERISH THE MOMENTS BUT THE PEOPLE IN THE MOMENTS

It’s not just those special moments in life that we need to remember and cherish, but the people in those moments, especially the people that don’t have to be there but choose to be. I would like to think that I’m always grateful for our family for being a part of the big moments in my life, and I certainly hope I express that to them, but this is making homage the other people - the people that don’t have to be there, that aren’t expected to be there, but choose to be none-the less.

At our wedding, I knew it was a day we would remember forever, of course. I knew I would always have a special place in my heart for our minister that married us, and for the music that helped to make the day magical. But what I didn’t know at the time was how important our minister that sang at our wedding would wind up being in our life. She sings like an angel, which is why we asked her to sing at our wedding. Her rendition of The Lord’s Prayer is unforgettable and still brings goosebumps to my arms when I think about it. Yet there turned out to be more. She was pregnant with her first son at the same time I was, something that made me feel a little closer to her. She was at our first son’s baptism. She baptized our second son. She came to the baptism parties and the wedding reception. She came to my house and prayed over me when I was on bedrest with my second son (she couldn’t do it for the first because she was on bedrest but we came to her side instead). Laura chose to be such a memorable part of our cherished moments and I’m so grateful that I can see that now, after so many moments that she’s been there for. She is no longer our minister now. She has gotten to lead a wonderful church in a new town, and we have since moved. But Laura will always be in my heart. I knew she was a participant of these cherished moments at the time but I didn’t realize until later just how much I would cherish her for choosing to make the days special with us.

The same goes for some dear friends. I knew I would always remember my bridal shower, but how much I cherish the people that thought enough to throw it for me, and how much I recognize what a beautiful celebration they put together, now that the moment is over. They chose and volunteered to make that moment special. And the people that don’t throw the big moments but just choose to show up! How blessed I am to have them too. Clearly our wedding was our biggest day, and so I was honored to have my good friends there, but now I can see how many of them continued to show up! What blessings they are. You don’t think about how important the people are that come to your child’s birthday parties – you just think about making that moment special for your child. Remember to cherish the Alaina Kims and Gina Goods and Lisa Kings that bring their children to each party you throw, despite the 50 parties going on during “birthday party season.” Birthday parties just won’t be the same without them now (Since we’ve moved I think we might have to have a party back in Wilmington just so we can continue the memories with those friends that have become so dear). They now are the people that made those moments special, not just the moments themselves. Remember the Brock and Kailey Okines that drove two hours to be a part of your son’s fifth birthday party as a surprise. Those are the things I seem to remember more now than the actual moments themselves. I’ve also realized that I should have been taking group pictures of all the guests at these events because it’s amazing to see how many are repeat moment-blessers over the years and to remember the ones that were special enough at the time to come.

What about the “family friends” that become like family, but actually aren’t real family. So, they choose to be your family and they choose to make those moments special. Like the Rolquin family, who we’ve gotten to watch their beautiful children grow up, and now have been a part of our life and our children’s lives? They were the first friends I introduced my husband to, they were Bride’s Maid, Flower Girl and Ring Bearer in our wedding, they were at each shower, each baptism and are the Godparents of our youngest son. They threw our second son’s baby shower. We’ve taken amazing family vacations together that I will not only remember but will also remember that they were a part of. I’ll remember the bonfire on the deserted island, Jeremy voting his dad off the island, the happy birthday song they sang to me on the boat at Smith Mountain Lake, the blue bird house they gave me while we were away, the kids parties they showed up for even though they didn’t have little kids any more. Volunteering at the last minute to help us pack our condo up to move to a new city, when we realized we were a few people short. Cooking our whole family dinner for us that night.

I could go on and on, but I think the point is made. Don’t miss recognizing the people in the moment because you are caught up in the moment. The moment is nothing without the special people that care enough to be there even though they are not required to be. And maybe, just maybe, start telling them how important they are. Send them a note. Make a phone call. Write a blog… Let them know that they are what makes your moments beautiful.

When I was 8 years old my mom and dad got married. We moved to Manhattan. On moving day my mom’s friend Hack took me out to see some sights in Manhattan. He did it so my parents could move without me bothering or distracting them. What he actually did was create a moment for me that I’ve cherished forever just because he chose to be there. He took me to places in Manhattan I never saw before and have never been back to, particularly an underground subway museum. He taught me to remember my new address and phone number, and to this day I still remember those!  I remember the day and my time with him vividly.  I hadn’t seen him in 15 or more years but years later, when I was in my late 20s or early 30s I wrote him a letter, telling him how much he meant to me on that day. The details I remembered that he created by being there and that I was so grateful that he chose to be such an important part of my life on that day. I didn’t hear back from him but he did call my mom and told her how much it meant to him to hear from me and to hear about how he became such a memorable person in my life, totally unintentionally. He’s since passed away and I have no regrets because I told him.

So, my suggestion is to write a letter to someone who didn’t have to be there but was, someone who doesn’t know that they became so important to you on such a special day. Write just one letter. Then the next day, write another. Keep going until you run out of people or moments, then make more moments with more people. Don’t stop. Pay homage. Let them know. Become one of those people in one of their moments.

(To those I didn’t mention, there are too many to name, this is homage to you too. I love you all and cherish you all and am blessed by you all. I hope you know who you are, but if you don’t you just might be getting a letter from me in the future… but I am grateful for you just the same.)